What kind of advice on life would I give my younger self?
Remember that, no matter what, you are protected.
I wasn’t raised steadfastly in any given religion. My grandmother attended Sunday services at a Methodist church. I spent every year of my schooling – from Kindergarten through undergrad – within the walls of a Catholic educational institution. At best, organized religion in my family was more of an accessory than a necessity. The little I knew about the concept of God was encompassed in fear: an invisible leader in the clouds who was eager to strike me down if I ever decided to get out of pocket and break one of his Ten Commandments.
No wonder I never felt the holy protection the rest of my bible-reading school peers were feeling. The image of God in my head was fucked up from the start.
But then, you read and you grow.
I realize now that I have been protected from the very start, even when it seemed like nothing was going my way. Whenever I find myself fretting about anything I can’t control (read: anything that isn’t my actions, my thoughts, or my words), I now have the wisdom to remind myself that, no matter what I’m feeling, I am protected. The girl I was didn’t realize that then. A part of me wishes I could tell her now but she wouldn’t listen, so it’s just as well. She needs to experience the ebb and flow of life without direction so that she can come into this abundant and beautifully messy life of hers.
She is protected.
Okay, more tomorrow.