NaBloPoMo 2020: Day 15

NaBloPoMo 2020: Day 15

What is the worst that could happen
if I let go of the things that no longer serve me?

I’d have to stop being petty – and I loooooooove being petty.

You, me, and every human we know has a defense mechanism.

Some are relatively harmless (the silent treatment), some mildly amusing (Chandler Bing-level sarcasm), some vicious to the core (pick an -ism). All of them are reactions made in fear. The two questions we must ask ourselves, sometimes several times over in the lifetime, is:

  • What is my defense mechanism?
  • How well am I managing it?

Because the filthy truth is, we never shed our defense mechanisms. DMs are always there in ego, lingering and waiting for the opportunity to protect us from a perceived danger, usually of the emotional variety: a breakup, a divorce, someone drinking the last of the apple cider and leaving the empty plastic jug in the fridge (yes, I get petty with my kids, too). So it’s key to my development that I claim and name pettiness as my DM and figure out how to tame my petty…because she likes to cut up sometimes.

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Y’all, being petty feels so good to me, but that’s the most attractive factor about defense mechanisms. DMs are like drugs: they provide a release that wears off way too fast. I’ve been working on minding my petty and the quickest method for me is to literally stop talking. If you know me IRL, you understand how daunting a feat that is for me, but I’ve pulled it off in moments where I needed a little more decorum than my ego was willing to offer.

I don’t think I can go through the day without being petty at least once, even if it’s something as insignificant as starting a fight with a stranger online. It’s amusing to my ego but doesn’t do shit for my soul. What feeds my DM is anything that doesn’t serve me. One of my biggest petty triggers also happened to be a toxic friendship I eventually dissolved. That’s no coincidence, so when you think of your DM, investigate whether its’ triggers are even worth the time and space in your life.

Okay, I’m getting preachy so I’m going to wrap up here.
More tomorrow. Bye.

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